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Halloween!…Lets Get Witchy With It!

4 Nov

So first let me say

“My Bad” for not writing for like forever…it was wrong and selfish of me, but I’m back.

And I have a great line up planned for this month!

So with that said let’s get to the fun stuff…

HALLOWEEN or All HALLOWS EVE is my favorite holiday and every year I try to really go there with my handmade costumes.  And to be honest buying a 45.00 polyester “Sexy Devil” costume is just so not me

I’m a Prima Donna Mama and the need to really express myself is far beyond the realms of  Dirty Nurse and Sexy Bunny

and I’m also handy with a sewing machine, so here’s this is what I came up with

Shrunken Heads anyone?

Yes people the doctor is in..the Witch Doctor that is

Oh and here I am with the missionary Priest who finally domesticated my savagery

Savage Amour

🙂 So…

pull out your sketch pads and dream up something fabulous Mama!

Being creative is what we Moms do, besides changing diapers and saving the world before dinner.

Ciao !

 

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And Cut!: The Rise Of The C-Section Scar

25 Oct

I’ll never forget the moment they told me I’d be having abdominal surgery. I’d been proud of my status as a mother of a “Natural Born” child, and was happy to be among the elite group of women who’d avoided being cut even after a long and painful delivery. 

(Three days of un-medicated labor in a severely upright hospital bed)

It was my greatest success, and now here I was being debriefed on how my very friendly Filippino surgeon was going to cut a 4-5 inch long incision in my tummy to remove the ten week old fetus that was growing outside of my womb and somewhere near my bowels. Although this wasn’t a typical Caesarean section, a Caesarean it was and I was totally unprepared.

sometimes your fetus needs a map..or GPS.

Eptopic pregnancy is when your fetus forgets to bring his/her GPS and gets really lost

Well here I am nine months later and still wondering why some women would actually CHOOSE this procedure over a natural birth

women like:

Christina Aguilera who told People mag

“I didn’t want any surprises. Honestly, I didn’t want any [vaginal] tearing. I had heard horror stories of women going in and having to have an emergency C-section [anyway]. The hardest part was deciding on his birthday. I wanted to leave it up to fate, but at the same time I was ready to be done early!”

And of course the most noted c-section patient of them all, Posh Spice or Victoria Beckham for short.

Can't deny her MILF-Dom

Mrs Beckham who has become the inspiration for the phrase “Too Posh to Push”, has insisted that all three of her “scheduled” c-sections where medically needed. But it seems pretty obvious that the paper-thin diva chose this procedure  in order to avoid stretch marks and or course the dreaded “tearing” (cue evil villain music). But aren’t all those marks and tears just badges of honor worn by the women who join the army of Mothers, entrusted with the task of molding our futures? Why is the prospect of a natural birth scarier then the idea of major abdominal surgery?

open wide

Gone are the days when giving birth was a simple and personal experience, today its all about the production. And although the health of mothers and newborns has not improved in America (aka the land with street paved in gold) the rate of Caesarean births are climbing; one out of every three births are surgical.

In a hospital natural birthing is almost never an option for a woman with a breached baby (baby horizontal in womb), although midwives have often been able to coax a breached baby into a normal birthing position. Often C-sections are not “recommened” they are handed out like halloween candy, some hospitals have even banned the option of natural birth for a mother who has already had a c-section, a total violation of her god given RIGHT! Also it is fact that repeat procedures run the risk of unterine ruptures and dangerous abnormalities in the placenta during later pregnancies, which can cause hemorrhaging and lead to a hysterectomy (bye bye uterus 😦 ). Repeated Caesareans can make it risky or even impossible to have that large family you’ve planned since your tea party and doll days.

With so much going on in the “Birthing Industry” (because babies are a business in the USA) it’s best to know all your options and your rights as a mother. Look up the facts and never let hospital staff make you feel as if you must give birth as soon as you arrive at the hospital. It takes nine months to grow a human being and its only logical that pushing one out would take some time as well.

Every experience is different and sometimes emergencies can throw a fork in your prepared “Birth Plan.

But..

Above all remember your babies health trumps all !

P.S

 If you wanna know more about the baby business check out the documentry “The Buiness Of Being Born” http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com produced by Ricki Lake who experienced both spectrums of the birthing process.

Feel The Burn!

12 Oct

So do you remember that moment…

You’d finally had your bundle of joy,

and then you noticed that other bundle, the one still sagging right above you jeans and a little in your hind quarters

No need to blush little lady, postpartum weight is just another brick in the road to motherhood

So stiffen up that lower lip and lets deal with it, and soon before it gets outta hand

And of course I have just the thing to help you get started,

behold the holy grail of  fitness dvd’s

so hardcore!!!!

If you’ve seen her on The Biggest Loser, you know she is one tough cookie

ouch, now thats hands on training

and this DVD is a true testament to her fitness superiority.

 

After I had my daughter I couldn’t wait to finally be able to put in a good 45 minutes of cardio. I tried many workouts but none really gave me that deep burn I was thirsting for.

Until I found Jillian, as soon as began the warm-up I knew I was in for a sweat, and that’s just what I got. Combining cardio, weight training and muscle-building this work out burns calories while toning up all those areas we avoid looking at in the shower. So say goodbye to the dreaded jiggles and team this wonderful work out up with a properly balanced diet.

And remember the work out only works if you work it

so work it Mama, and feel that BURN!

All Hail the Sanctimommy!

5 Oct

While trying to quitch my ensatiable thirst for knowledge

cute huh?

I came across this in Webster’s Online Dictionary:

Top 10 User Submitted Words, Vol. 4

#1: Sanctimommy

Definition: a mother who points out perceived faults in the parenting of others

Well now first let me say as an avid fan of the english language I do NOT condone the making up of words…the usage of  “slang” amoung friends and family is acceptable but making up words only helps to further the deterioration of the english language, which in my opinion has already suffered enough abuse.

But when i saw this i just had to share

How many time have you been trapped in a hospital waiting room with a total self righteous she-monster, who has decided to “bless” you with all her motherly wisdom using all the moms around you as examples of  “poor parenting”. Well…Now there is a name for that she-monster

and no im not thinking the B-word…well I was but this is a bit more classy

ALL HAIL THE SANCTIMOMMY!

and when you finished with the “Hailing”, forget every word she’s said

"You quit talking bad about my mommy, i'll warn you i was breast fed and im a black belt"

Follow your own parenting insinicts ladies, and if all else fails ask your Mom, cause you know what they say

“Mother always knows best”

🙂

Pamper Me, and I ain’t talking huggies

26 Sep

As a busy moms balancing many different hats ( and check books) we often forget to find time to show ourselves some love…. 

Pretty high-tech huh?

Now don’t get nervous im not talking pocket rockets and shower heads, although as I always say “No one knows me better than me.” But today I’m referring to some good ole fashion pampering, the kind with the cucumbers, mud and ladies speaking in rapid fire Korean 

 Sometimes when life takes you to that where all your thoughts pretty much sound like: 

 “I’m gonna murder that B*%$h (insert co-workers name) tomorrow” 

Or 

“What the F%*k is wrong with you (insert spouses name) I said the red one, does this look like red to you Mother-F*@$!er!” 

This is one’s cue to step back, breath and treat onesself to something nice. Like maybe a pair of shoes that are totally out of your price range, a bag that you saw in ELLE, some miracle de-wrinkler that Catherine Zeta-Jones Douglas endorses or if you’re trying to stay low-budget a simple manicure might do the trick. But in todays fashion forward world “simple” doesn”t really apply to much anymore, and the world of creative design has spilled over right on to your finger tips 

And so we witness the rise of NAIL ART! 

Take a look 

Artist-Farrah Griffin

Artist- Farrah Griffin

Artist- Rose Medina

Artist- Rose Medina

Artist- Kim Barksdale

Artist- Kim Barksdale

Artist- Janet Riffe

Artist- Janet Riffe

Artist- Carmen Gonzalez Banda

Artist- Carmen Gonzalez Banda

And If you’re looking to go OVER THE TOP…or TIP (nail tech humor) try this 

Artist- Viv Simmonds

Artist- Viv Simmonds

Nails have become a new form of artistic expression and trust me this little preview is only scratching the tip of the nail bed (more nail tech humor). Check out www.nailpro.com for more creative designs from nail tech super stars all over the world. 

So treat yourself to some quality time with your local nail-tech or if your more of the hands on type, try your own hand at some nail art 

Go on Mama, Express yourself!

But before you go here’s a little music to set the mood for you next manni/peddi

Kid Sister, take it away!

Going My Way?: A Woman’s Journey to Vehicular Freedom

12 Sep

Modern woman has always been faced with many pressing questions such as “How do I get all of my things from here to over there?” and “How will I get there on time.” Living, working and playing in the fast pace city of New York can turn anyone into a professional multi-task-er. With school, work and a growing toddler I for one find myself waking at ungodly hours in order to pack my family up and ride the iron horse to work. This routine has always been flawed and often I find my self arriving everywhere late due to a sick passenger or the just plain awful-ness of the MTA.

So I’ve decided to become a driver!

 Yes at 24 I’ve finally decided to get out of the passenger seat, and put my hitch hikers thumb away.

So I took the written test (which is most likely the easiest test you’ll ever take) and I passed!!

 

Me & My brand new Learner's Permit! (aren't we hot!!)

Don't I look grown up and serious

Although I’m motivated this will be no easy feat, I come from a large family of non-drivers

Except for my Grand Mama who most likely drove something like this (below)

 

So follow my journey as I buckle up and pursue vehicular FREEDOM

Yep, I'm nervous

You’ll see me laugh, cry and come into many close calls with medians, but don’t worry I have insurance (you won’t catch me riding dirty)

With my trusty side-kick/driver extraordinaire/fiancé to show me the ropes I’ll finally know what it feels like to be in the drivers seat, with the wind blowing in my curly fro.

 

Open road, Here I come!

SPOTLIGHT!

26 Aug

So I promised to show you around Mommyville, well here’s one of its newest superstars!
Ladies and gentleman may I introduce you to Kelis

You might remember her from her love letter to a cheating man, a little ditty rightly entitled “Caught Out There (I hate you so much)”, and if you’re a guy I’m sure you remember the legend of her “MilkShakes”.

Well this fierce beauty is a mom now, yep you’re looking at a real life MILF and her new album FLESH TONE will definitely become a staple at your wild dance party.

Sheading her “R&B” skin she has been reborn as the Queen of the Dance Hall. And no im not talking reggae, I’m talking funky Electro Techno that will burn dow the Diso-Tech! Some might say this album was a risk for the artist, but as I always say “nothing great can come without great risk.”  And FLESH TONE is full of fist pumping, body pulsing greatness!

some art from the album, i think she makes a stunning sphinx!

In many interviews with the press Kelis gracefully pushes past all the questions about her “baby daddy drama” and focuses on the more positive influences in her life, her music, and most of all her son

Knight Jones (Born July 22 2010)

 

I have to commend this Prima Donna for keeping it together through all of her well publicized drama. As we all know relationships can totally take over our entire lives and we can easily forget what it is that WE WANT and what WE NEED for our own sleves.  But Kelis seems to know exactly what she wants and what this world needs

 and that’s to get up and Dance!

and celebrate life in all its wonderfully messy glory

 I have been literally pushing repeat for the past two weeks

So get up off that well toned buttocks and get Kelis’s new album

FLESH TONE

and support the MILF movement

Ciao!

CLICK BELOW TO EXPERIENCE THE NEW KELIS!

 

 

Super Mom?…Oh no they didn’t

21 Aug

Honestly they could have totally given her a better outfit and a better haircut…who are they fooling with that bad perm…how lame is it that this hard-working doll get frumpy rollers, whilst this fly by night hussy(featured below) gets the sexy suede ankle boots and latest in fashion denim in a lovely dark wash… I bet super mom could kick her ass, feed and burp that baby,and still look better in that swimsuit

This poor image of Super Mom is saying something ladies..and im not liking it.

Take back your sexy!! Every mama is a PRIMA DONNA 

and Botox Barbie better watch her back on the beach…grrrrrrr