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And Cut!: The Rise Of The C-Section Scar

25 Oct

I’ll never forget the moment they told me I’d be having abdominal surgery. I’d been proud of my status as a mother of a “Natural Born” child, and was happy to be among the elite group of women who’d avoided being cut even after a long and painful delivery. 

(Three days of un-medicated labor in a severely upright hospital bed)

It was my greatest success, and now here I was being debriefed on how my very friendly Filippino surgeon was going to cut a 4-5 inch long incision in my tummy to remove the ten week old fetus that was growing outside of my womb and somewhere near my bowels. Although this wasn’t a typical Caesarean section, a Caesarean it was and I was totally unprepared.

sometimes your fetus needs a map..or GPS.

Eptopic pregnancy is when your fetus forgets to bring his/her GPS and gets really lost

Well here I am nine months later and still wondering why some women would actually CHOOSE this procedure over a natural birth

women like:

Christina Aguilera who told People mag

“I didn’t want any surprises. Honestly, I didn’t want any [vaginal] tearing. I had heard horror stories of women going in and having to have an emergency C-section [anyway]. The hardest part was deciding on his birthday. I wanted to leave it up to fate, but at the same time I was ready to be done early!”

And of course the most noted c-section patient of them all, Posh Spice or Victoria Beckham for short.

Can't deny her MILF-Dom

Mrs Beckham who has become the inspiration for the phrase “Too Posh to Push”, has insisted that all three of her “scheduled” c-sections where medically needed. But it seems pretty obvious that the paper-thin diva chose this procedure  in order to avoid stretch marks and or course the dreaded “tearing” (cue evil villain music). But aren’t all those marks and tears just badges of honor worn by the women who join the army of Mothers, entrusted with the task of molding our futures? Why is the prospect of a natural birth scarier then the idea of major abdominal surgery?

open wide

Gone are the days when giving birth was a simple and personal experience, today its all about the production. And although the health of mothers and newborns has not improved in America (aka the land with street paved in gold) the rate of Caesarean births are climbing; one out of every three births are surgical.

In a hospital natural birthing is almost never an option for a woman with a breached baby (baby horizontal in womb), although midwives have often been able to coax a breached baby into a normal birthing position. Often C-sections are not “recommened” they are handed out like halloween candy, some hospitals have even banned the option of natural birth for a mother who has already had a c-section, a total violation of her god given RIGHT! Also it is fact that repeat procedures run the risk of unterine ruptures and dangerous abnormalities in the placenta during later pregnancies, which can cause hemorrhaging and lead to a hysterectomy (bye bye uterus 😦 ). Repeated Caesareans can make it risky or even impossible to have that large family you’ve planned since your tea party and doll days.

With so much going on in the “Birthing Industry” (because babies are a business in the USA) it’s best to know all your options and your rights as a mother. Look up the facts and never let hospital staff make you feel as if you must give birth as soon as you arrive at the hospital. It takes nine months to grow a human being and its only logical that pushing one out would take some time as well.

Every experience is different and sometimes emergencies can throw a fork in your prepared “Birth Plan.

But..

Above all remember your babies health trumps all !

P.S

 If you wanna know more about the baby business check out the documentry “The Buiness Of Being Born” http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com produced by Ricki Lake who experienced both spectrums of the birthing process.

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All Hail the Sanctimommy!

5 Oct

While trying to quitch my ensatiable thirst for knowledge

cute huh?

I came across this in Webster’s Online Dictionary:

Top 10 User Submitted Words, Vol. 4

#1: Sanctimommy

Definition: a mother who points out perceived faults in the parenting of others

Well now first let me say as an avid fan of the english language I do NOT condone the making up of words…the usage of  “slang” amoung friends and family is acceptable but making up words only helps to further the deterioration of the english language, which in my opinion has already suffered enough abuse.

But when i saw this i just had to share

How many time have you been trapped in a hospital waiting room with a total self righteous she-monster, who has decided to “bless” you with all her motherly wisdom using all the moms around you as examples of  “poor parenting”. Well…Now there is a name for that she-monster

and no im not thinking the B-word…well I was but this is a bit more classy

ALL HAIL THE SANCTIMOMMY!

and when you finished with the “Hailing”, forget every word she’s said

"You quit talking bad about my mommy, i'll warn you i was breast fed and im a black belt"

Follow your own parenting insinicts ladies, and if all else fails ask your Mom, cause you know what they say

“Mother always knows best”

🙂

Baby Your Beautiful

3 Oct

How many times have you been roped into cooing at a tragically ugly baby

Honestly I think these people know their children aren’t easy on the eyes, they just know you’ll never tell them their kid is

“UGLY”

So…

Don’t blame the baby, blame the parents for putting the poor baby on display like a side-show attraction

Here’s to you Ugly Baby, may you forever hold you head high at the Gymboree

Remember folks beauty is only skin deep, and sometimes the stuff on the inside is way more interesting. and that goes for people of all ages

and sometimes animals too!

How To Find & Keep A Man… (Aprils Version)

18 Sep

Here is April’s method on finding, capturing and taming an unruly gentleman. 

STEP ONE : USE BAIT

 

Pile it high ladies

  STEP TWO : INSERT UNRULY HEAD INTO SECURE HEAD LOCK

 

hold firmly until the beast is subdued and recognizes your dominance

STEP THREE : SHOW EM LOVE 

Lennon had it right "All You Need Is Love"

So that’s my method, feel free to share yours 🙂 

  

The Open Mind Theory

4 Sep

Ok..so I have this theory and it pretty much teaches that if you keep and open mind and you try and experience as much “awesome-ness” as possiable…

check out www.http://glitternation.blogspot.com ..its unsual, but in a good way

you’ll find that you meet interesting people

who might inspire you to do awesome things…like say writing a freaking cool ass blog…like maybe say this one

http://www.thehipstermom.com

 See the world get out there and really make a mess, cause thats what life is one giant beautiful mess

so live, love..and get it in!

Heres to you sexy 🙂